Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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