My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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