Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
