he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
