Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
