Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
