So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
