She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
