You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
