Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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