Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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