I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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