so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
