he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
