can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
