I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm like, not good at living.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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