the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize