so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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