Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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