Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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