screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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