apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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