We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
