you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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