i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
