so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
