make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Panties = found
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
