There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
