You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
