He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
