you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize