I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
