Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
