He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dear god my vagina.
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