Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's Friday. Sex?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize