i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
