its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
