I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My bed smells like the plague
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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