i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize