Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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