you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
