these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
