Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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