Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
