Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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