Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
