Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize