i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
