I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize