Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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