Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
