How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
