I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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