I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you traded sex for a burrito?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
