You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
