the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
