call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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