yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
