I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize