I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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