I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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