my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
