you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
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