Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
