I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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