you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
