She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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