Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
