You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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