We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
