i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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