we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
