I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
