never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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