just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize