HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
