thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize