Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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