speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
