You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Randomize
