I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
