enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize