guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
