Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
