I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In other news, I just burned my penis
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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