You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
