I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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