That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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