Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
