If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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