He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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