I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize