So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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