escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
