Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
