why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
