You made me cry and you don't even care
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
