Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
