This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
