ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
