moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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