I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
