Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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